My Life, My Way =)

2008-12-23T14:47:00.002+08:00

At last, after months of preparation and planning, the Retreat for Z5Pauls finally successfully done. Thanks to our COO, GAs, parents, of course Z5Pauls ourselves who have worked hard to make this a reality.

Pictures coming up soon...

2008-12-12T09:31:00.002+08:00

My office PC is down now, of all the time, it chose this time to 'sleep' for only God knows how long. I really need it right now. The Retreat things are there and all company's major files are in there.
I still don't understand how and why it happened, I remember it was ok before I gone back home on Wednesday...
Whatever it is, I pray that it will get well soon...please. I'm not used to boss's PC because the keyboard is so hard to tekan...

Language and Me

2008-12-09T10:26:00.003+08:00

I took the JLPT Level 1 test last Sunday. I think I got 40% chance of passing but it's not the result I matter most, it's the studying part that's important to me. Before the test begun, I 'forced' myself to study for it by doing lot's of exercises and watching lot's of Japanese dramas. Though I don't have a good memory to store up all the information I learnt for the pass few weeks, I actually enjoyed the part of getting to know the language and culture more.

I love to listen to the Japanese conversations because they could speak the same thing to different people in different words. They have different way of talking to teachers/bosses/parents/seniors and friends/juniors/younger brothers/younger sisters, I'm still wondering how they could remember when to say what to who. To me, I'm still confused and I always mix the casual and formal words together when I speak.

I don't really like to go for Japanese classes here actually, especially when it has a big group because I don't feel that I'm learning. I remember I couldn't take the advance class anymore because the class had grown triple in size, I felt there's competition in class and we often had to 'fight' to get attention from our teacher. To me, I didn't like competition at all, even till now.

To me, the best way to learn a language is to learn the culture first. Languages are not just theory-based because they need lots of practice and exercise in order to encourage our mind and mouth to speak using these tools. Most importantly, when we are thinking of learning a language, we must ask ourselves this: why do we want to learn this language? And I don't think the answer: because I just want to learn it la, is a good answer.

I remember I learnt Mandarin, because my parents forced me too and I had to eventually speak the language because I was in a Mandarin school and 90% of them were speaking Mandarin to me (the 10% are Malay and English teachers le). Then, I forced myself to speak cantonese in secondary school because that was what most of my classmate were using to communicate, again the environment and peer pressure forced me to adapt and learn something new. Needless to say, I had to learn to speak Japanese when I was in Japan because of the same reason. This I must thank one of my host family, Fuji san because during the one-month summer period I stayed with them, they really forced me hard in speaking Japanese.

So next time when we want to really learn a new language, make sure there's someone forcing you. It works for me!

I have been thinking...

2008-12-09T00:45:00.003+08:00

What will happen to me in five years time?
Will I be able to further my studies soon?
Will I be able to reach my goal?
Am I dreaming to big?
Why I'm so not so good in communicating with people?
Why I always feel so lonely in a group?
Why I'm not good enough in sports?
Why am not good enough in everything I studied and studying?
Why nobody understands me, even my own family?
Why I'm the black sheep in my family?
People run away when they see I'm facing problem, even my family,why?
Am I going to stay single for long because I'm not so good in maintaining a relationship?
Will I ever get married?
Will I ever have kids?
Will I ever found my prince charming?
Do I love God?
Am I actually reading a the bible when I'm holding it and reading? (because I always forget what I read)
I believe God is my best friend (He's the only friend I have anyway), or do I not believing it?
Why God is putting me in such situation?
Why this happening and that happening?...

Haihz...been thinking too much...it's bad for my mind and body...I just have to write it down, at least now I feel much much better.

2008-11-15T16:58:00.002+08:00

Thanks to the Acid Attack, the teachers and students are afraid to go to school. Some were daring enough to go but were late, have been told that the class was cancelled yesterday.

This is Unfair!

2008-11-13T11:29:00.003+08:00

Two schoolgirls blinded in acid attack in Afghanistan while they were on the way to school. The Talibans still think that girls have no rights to study. This is absurd! Their selfish thinking really disgusting and destroying these innocent girls' dreams for the sake of their family, country and themselves and their physical appearance, just plain evil.

It's a tragedy for the girls that has possibly broken their hope in studying for better future and their hope to get married is 95% impossible because you-know-why.

I pray for all Afghanistan's women to never lose hope and faith in studying even when they have to work way much harder than men and I pray for the world to realised how serious is this matter and that all who have human hearts would stand up for these women and protect them.

Stuck

2008-11-04T10:53:00.002+08:00

Feeling stuck, not able to move out the box. Wanna break free and soar like the eagle...to see the world and find the true purpose of living.

Hair Day

2008-11-02T20:35:00.010+08:00

I can't wait for my hair to grow longer to do this...

or this...

Honestly, this hair style is my fav...'^_^'

Oh man...can't wait for my hair to grow longer la...

P.A.U.L Juniors Day - 18/10/2008

2008-10-30T22:18:00.005+08:00

Here it is, z5P.A.U.L's first activity for our future leaders, P.A.U.L Juniors

It's all started on a beautiful Saturday morning, when we have to wake up very early to get ready for the big day...

Ice breaking time for us to introduce ourselves to the younger ones

P.A.U.Ls in ACTION :)

Our GA a.k.a Guardian Angels too in ACTION

All the hardwork of planing and organizing this are worth it. Why?

Cuz' the Juniors enjoyed very much la...See...

PEACE...

PEACE somemore...

PEACE even more...*wink-*

CHILDREN

2008-10-30T21:43:00.004+08:00

I wish I could travel back in time when I was just a little girl, I would know how to believe that everyone and everything in this world are good.

No one would know how to make friends which 100% guranteed effective, unlike children.

No one would communicate freely with people in different skin color and speak different language, unlike children.

Their pure and innocent minds are clear enough to see all people are friends.

How I wish I could be in their shoes.

No one would know the art of forgive and forget when they found out their friend or family has made mistake, unlike children.

No one would actually forgive someone wholeheartedly and completely when they said they forgive them, unlike children.

Their parents taught them well, but do their parents practice what they teach?

Whether the answer is 'Yes' or 'No', I still wish to be a child again because that's when I could believe easily that Daddy and Mommy know the best.

I'm missing my childhood so much.

Birth Order vs Career Choice

2008-10-22T10:22:00.013+08:00

I just read this article 'Can Birth Order Determine Your Career?' about the different personality of siblings in different orders and how it affects their career choices. It mentioned that different sibling's personality and adaptation pattern are affected by how his parents treated him.

For example, parents tend to be stricter to firstborns compare to later born kids. Youngest kid can get away from trouble so much easier than eldest kid because parents have seen the trouble before and become more open minded. Lucky kid (youngest one) huh!

I find this article mostly quite true based on my experience as I have three other siblings. My middle sister always complain that she's the last one to know any family news but she's the patient one, youngest sister is more open to mom because she(mom) is more open-minded now because of her experience with her first three children, and me, the eldest, known to be very confident in anything I want to do.

No matter how different the personality each sibling has, and no matter how many fights and argument been happening among each other, these won't loosen the bond among siblings. I do believe this is a fact.

Narcissism

2008-10-16T15:35:00.006+08:00

Narcissus

(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissus_(mythology)

Recently, I have been facinated by this word, 'Narcissist'. It's a very interesting personality disorder that lots of people seems to have it.

Who found this personality first?

Freud of course, he's the 'Father of Psychology'.

The meaning: (from http://www.answers.com/topic/narcissism)

Excessive love or admiration of oneself.
A psychological condition characterized by self-preoccupation, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in self-esteem.
Erotic pleasure derived from contemplation or admiration of one's own body or self, especially as a fixation on or a regression to an infantile stage of development.
The attribute of the human psyche charactized by admiration of oneself but within normal limits.

The symptoms: (From http://changingminds.org/disciplines/psychoanalysis/concepts/narcissism.htm)

Self-aggrandizement to the point of exaggeration, deception and outright lying.
Seeking and requiring excessive attention, admiration and rewards from others.
Fantasies of fame, power and success. Belief in their superiority over others.
Exploitation of others without feelings of guilt.
Envious of others. Belief that the perception is reciprocated.
Given to frustration, anger and irrationality when they do not get what they want.
Declares himself unfit, unworthy, lacking, not trained and not (formally) schooled, not objective, cognisant of his own shortcomings and vain. This way, if (rather, when) exposed he could always say: "But I told you so in the first place, haven't I?" (known as FALSE MODESTY)

How to identify a narcissist? (from http://www.winning-teams.com/recognizenarcissist.html)

Their lack of empathy colors everything they do. They may say, "How are you?" when you meet, but they are working from memory. They are not interested in how you are.
Virtually all of their ideas or ways of behaving in a given situation are taken from others, people they know and perhaps think of as an authority (mirroring).
Their sense of self-importance and lack of empathy means that they will often interrupt the conversations of others.
They expect others to do the day-to-day chores as they feel too important to waste their time on common things.
Listen for the constant use of "I", "me" and "my" when they talk.
They very rarely talk about their inner life, for example their memories and dreams.
They feel that the rules at work don't apply to them.
They will always cheat whenever they think they can get away with it.
If you share workload with them expect to do the lion's share yourself.
They love to delegate work or projects, then interfere by micro-managing it. If it goes well, they take the credit, if it goes badly they blame the person they delegated it to.
There tends to be higher levels of stress with people who work with or interact with a narcissist, which in turn increases absenteeism and staff turnover.
They get impatient and restless when the topic of discussion is about someone else, and not about them.

Basically, most narcissists are leaders because they want to and they think that they have to be one since no other person can do better than him.

Besides that, narcissists are good actors because they are not prone to freaking out in stressful event and action. Their strong self love and uncontrollable rage fantasies help them to be confident in the spotlight.

Are they legally insane? Read http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Is_the_Narcissist_Legally_Insane.html, Dr. Sam Vaksin has good points.

Power of the Mind

2008-10-15T10:21:00.004+08:00

*Ever thought about why everything seems to be going upside down everytime you want to make it right?* Warning: better stop thinking about this question from now on!

The reason: the more you keeping yourself occupied with this question with adding a hint of self-pity for doing so many things while others not doing anything and a few teaspoon of trying to understand why some people just don't want to help you, you will get lots of headache, anxiety and very moody.

It's not good to think so much on the negative side because it makes you too busy to notice the positive side. In fact, thinking too much IS the problem.

Remember, think less the negative side, think more the positive side. Don't worry, be happy!

*Yesterday is today's memory; Tomorrow is today's dream.* So cheer up today and dream for a better tomorrow. :)

-Written specially from Sara to Sara.

Friendship

2008-10-10T08:24:00.004+08:00

When you were feeling down, your mind was blocked up by numerous anxiety, fear and sadness, you needed someone to talk to or at least someone to tell you everything will be alright, so you began to scroll through your contact list on your cellphone trying to find someone to talk to. You had hundreds of numbers in your list, yet none you knew could talk to.
'Alone,' you thought,'I'm all alone.'
You couldn't cry out because you couldn't feel anything while your mind was screaming at you, 'Why on earth you have no one to talk to to?' The guilt was growing in you towards your mind for keeping too many things in it, the burden was too difficult to bear anymore.

I guess lots of people experienced this, whether they like it or not. It's easy to find friends to have fun with and friend who happened to be working on the same thing with you. But when it comes to best friend who seems to know when you are sad and when you need comfort, this friend is very rare. So cherish them when you already having one now and tell them how much you appriciate to have them in your life. If you don't have any best friend now, not to worry or depress about it because who knows, there is one out there for you. It's very hard for you to notice them when your mind is too busy feeling depressed.

2008-10-08T11:02:00.005+08:00

I'm struggling to think about what to write in here. Nothing in my life seems to be worth sharing at the moment. Probably it's a sign saying that I'm not enjoying my life enough to store in my memory yet.

So Sara, time to get out from your comfort zone and start exploring the adventures awaiting you out there. Ganbatte!

Sunflower

2008-10-06T11:25:00.004+08:00

How can we possibly not like sunflower especially when it's bright sunshine color could just brighten up our day and melts our stress and depression. It reminds us to take it easy in life and enjoy the moments though life doesn't go easy on us.

Sunflower: Don't worry, Be happy :)

2008-09-28T21:52:00.003+08:00

I have just recently discover something: If we moved away from our momentum for awhile, most likely we will feel lazy to move back in.

Some people have warned me before when I decided to work first before I continue my degree, that I might not feel like continuing my studies anymore. I have to admit now that they were right.

But what can I do back then? I memang not financially strong enough yet to continue my studies in my interest: Films. I have to plan, I mean, lots of planning for this yet another new chapter of my life because it involves lots of money and lots of determination. I know I have been telling lots of people about my dreams because if I don't do so, I will forget for what reason I'm living now.

It's true I'm feeling a little lazy about planning this big plan of mine but it's more like, I'm scared. What if this dream can never come true? What will happen to me then?

I'm afraid of disappointment. Please Lord, help me to find my strength and courage back again. I wish You can at least show me signs that I'm near to my dream or You can just guide me the right way to it. Well, You not going to let me have it easily, right?

2 Timothy 4:7

2008-09-23T13:22:00.002+08:00

"I have done my best in the race,

I have run the full distance,

and I have kept the faith."

This verse captured my attention when my family and I were finding a bible verse for Amah's tombstone. It was my sister who wanted this verse first and I, decided to check out what's this whole 2 Timothy all about.

This is actually a letter from St Paul to his son, Timothy after he was arrested and was on his way to Rome for trial, a trial which he knew would be his last before seeing Lord in Heaven. In this letter, he talked about his journey in serving God and most importantly, he wanted Timothy to continue his journey for him.

I hadn't seen Amah ever since after Dad's funeral until she was dying on sickbed. I was not sure whether this verse suited her after I read the whole St. Paul's Letter to Timothy because she was not like St. Paul, she never taught others about Lord before when she was alive. Well, I was wrong.

I still remember the time when I first saw her on bed struggling to breathe and I prayed for her, her eyes were filled with comfort as if she had been longing for someone to say the Lord's Prayer for her and only this prayer could ease her pain. That time I realized how important was God to her. All her lifetime she had been struggling hard for her family and the sickness weaken her strength, yet she kept her faith so strongly for the Almighty Father. She's in peace now, with Him.

Rest In Peace, Amah!

Recycled Things Collection Day 20/Sep/08

2008-09-21T12:34:00.002+08:00

This day is we the P.A.ULs first fundraising activity for our very first Retreat on coming December.

Brandon sure is showing a true P.A.U.L spirit in this activity.

Carmen, Carmen...what's so funny on the paper?

After a hard morning work, it's good to have lunch together. Agree with me, Sam and Pam?

How you know we are happy eating KFC? Just look at the Patricks la...

Time to sell the stuff!...eh, Eric is on sale too?

Futsal HEAT at Zone 5 - 01/Sep/08

2008-09-21T11:45:00.001+08:00

Sizzling hot start of the month of September for Zone 5 and the P.A.U.Ls!

Everybody in the love of futsal got together to play a friendly match at Wawasan Futsal Court, organized by the P.A.U.Ls. I was thrilled to see so many people came to play and watch this game...

Well...I was thrilled...don't believe this picture...I wasn't not enjoying yea...haihz...how I wish I got an umbrella...ella...ella...

Please lent me your umbrella...

The match was too good to miss out...

To win, we need a good strategy...

Here are the winners

Actually All Are Winners in God's Eyes, Don't Cha Agree With Me? :)

Bored in The Fitting Room

2008-09-21T11:32:00.001+08:00

This is not what we can usually do in our room...

Well, ok ok...I'm daydreaming being a supermodel again....:P

SHORT AND SWEET MALAYSIA

2008-08-19T23:47:00.001+08:00

Guess what, I have finally stepped out the very first step into directing and acting! Hurray!!! After 1 month of rehearsing, I actually put a play up on stage...so proud of myself, tho it's just a 10mins play, but I'm still proud of myself lol...I can't believe I made it this far and I'm so happy with the end result, even I did not win anything. Meeting people who really passionate about the art is a great inspiration for me.

Oh yea, I need to introduce the play I directed: WEAKNESS. It's about this boy who's parents are against him persuing his dream: music, and at the end, he got a happy ending of course.

I have learnt a lot through this experience and I met a lot of people who love meeting people. I'm kinda missing it now (so fast...) but I can feel that I have grown up (mentally, not physically yea) a lot after this. I wonder whatz next for me...

My Casts for Weakness

starting from left : Azfarr, Gadiy, Hana, me and Joanna.

So this is what actors do backstage while waiting for their turn to act...

And of course make up is very important to look fabulous on stage...

All the casts and directors and crews for Short and Sweet

Isaiah 40:31

2008-08-11T15:56:00.001+08:00

Just when I felt like giving up...

YOU sent me this message...

'those who trust the LORD will find new strength.

They will be strong like eagles soaring upward on wings;

they will walk and run without getting tired'

Yes, thank you for reminding me to TRUST YOU!

Even when the situation seems hopeless, hold tight on the trust to YOU,

then surely I'll see YOUR GLORY.

2008-08-07T22:49:00.001+08:00

I'm just feeling bored these days, so I decided to start this blog to store my thoughts and imaginations.

I like hands photos because I feel that they show more human emotion than any other body parts:

I'm starting off with these hands...

it shows promise from mother to her child that she will always be there to protect her.

and this photo...

Don't worry, Granny, I'll hold you tight and will never let you go.

You are not to leave us yea.

this photo...

It's like God's Mighty Hands holding carefully and admiring His creation.

As for these hands...

happily reaching out for God's LOVE.

Oh yes, I love to see hands and interprete what they want to say on behalf of their owners.

Hands can never hide their owners' feelings.

If they too hid their feelings, how would others will know that they need someone to hold them.